1 – He would have people cringing, not crying

Free advice: You don’t want to enlist Talor Gooch for your eulogy.

2 – Avoid, always

That bunker with the massive face between you and a flagstick a mere 75 yards away as you stand over your ball on the tightest of lies? Consider it the George Washington Bridge, which means you go around it at all costs, no matter that it will be an indirect and longer route.

3 – Welcome, Paul Casey

LIV is certainly cornering the market on pro golfers in their 40s who have underachieved and cannot possibly compete against the PGA Tour kids.

4 – Fight fire with way bigger fire

Pay Tiger Woods $100m to play a series of 2-day pro-ams. Let’s say, maybe 14 of them scheduled conveniently in cities where LIV sets up shop.

5 – It’s the simple things

Ending 18 holes with the ball with which you started is still a thrill.

6 – Pssst . . .

If you haven’t visited your locker at your golf club in a few weeks, please do. Your dirty socks are anxious to be reconnected.

7 – Confounding, but true

The 3-foot comebacker for double-bogey after you’ve just gagged over a 2-footer is one of the easiest putts you’ll ever make.

8 – Take on a real challenge

If Joey Chestnut were truly elite, he’d show up at The Open Championship and try to devour 63 bacon baps.

9 – Not that I don’t think negatively, but . . .

There are at least six times in a round where I wish to myself that the format was foursomes and it was my teammate’s shot.