1 – Let’s wait till Sunday

Nothing ignites enthusiasm for a PGA Tour tournament quite like seeing the electronic scoreboards flash the “projected FedEx Cup standings” four holes into Round 1.

2 – Keep it to yourselves

According to a survey conducted with state-of-the-art technology, zero percent of the golf-reading public cares to read about golf writers revealing stories about their round at Augusta National.

3 – No pain, big gain

One can measure a successful day of golf in a number of ways. Score is just one. To me, tapping the sand out of my spikes without banging my ankle bone makes for a round well played.

4 – Not in his happy place

If you can read body language, then you get the feeling that Jon Rahm misses the PGA Tour competition and seriously misjudged how close the sides were to an agreement.

5 – Huge void, methinks

Can anyone explain why there isn’t a golf course superintendent honored with a spot in the World Golf Hall of Fame?

6 – Call it my mission in life

We remind golfers to replace divots and repair pitch marks. Wonderful. But how about telling them to pick up their tees, too?

7 – Cannot do

My mind is made up. The rope cap is not for me.

8 – Now what do I do?

You know you have golf priorities in order when you are deeply hurt to discover that your favorite coin with which to mark your ball is lost.

9 – That’s the sound of the door opening

Scottie Scheffler and Nelly Korda are taking the week off, folks. OK, kids, don’t say they didn’t give you a chance.