1 – Stop being silly

I worry for people who actually show an interest in club twirls as if they are athletic spectacles on par with vintage Bo Jackson stuff.

2 – Power morphs into pain

Pro golfers in their 20s and early 30s shouldn’t be having back surgeries . . . but they are. It smacks of Joe Hardy in “Damn Yankees, because what I’m hearing is this: I’ll swing as hard as I can and ask my body to do things it’s not supposed to do to get success now at the risk of my future health.

3 – Prime seat

There’s definitely going to be a seat set aside for my golf clubs on Thanksgiving. A great-relative of some standing might be relegated to the secondary table out in the foyer but he or she has not been by my side day in and day out this year.

4 – It is a utility club, after all

I might even pass the gravy with my E-club.

5 – There, is everybody happy?

Scottie Scheffler is PGA Tour Player of the Year. Rory McIlroy is Global Golfer of the Year. That should pretty much satisfy everyone, eh? (Tongue firmly in cheek.)

GOLF COURSE PHOTO -- Imagine the joy that spread across my face when this sign was read inside the men's locker room at Pleasant Valley CC in Sutton, Mass. It's the proper way to handle rakes, but unfortunately golfers need to constantly be reminded. (Unless you find it enjoyable to leave it in deep rough on the high side of the bunker so the mower can't see it.) Though this came across my route, feel free to send any intriguing golf course signs you see to jim@powerfades.com.

6 – Meteorologists, not golfers

Speaking of the disgruntled golf crowd, when I crossed paths with an intrepid golfer, he told me he was perplexed about his colleagues. In summer they moan not about the heat “but the humidity.” In late autumn, right on the cusp of winter, they moan not about the cold “but the wind chill.” They can’t give you proper yardage but ask them for the dew point and the atmospheric pressure gradient and you’re golden.

7 – Out of order

If you’ve seen “Happy Gilmore 2” without seeing “Happy Gilmore” then you confound me. How did you follow the storyline?

8 – Exactly what is it?

A golfer said he was going to apply the “leaf rule” the other day. When I shot him a quizzical look, he went into a dissertation as to why the rule was being used correctly in this case. He referred to Newton’s Laws of Motion, fairness in the work place, and got to borrowing from Potter Stewart when he concluded “I know it when I see it" to emphasize that he was looking at a quintessential “leaf rule” situation. Me? I settled on quoting the great Anthony Kim – “you gotta do what you gotta do” and walked away.

9 – Insufferable noise

Counting sheep has never done it for me. Cannot stand the unsettling “baa, baa, baa, baa” clatter. Counting putts takes too long. Counting flushed shots is too short. But closing my eyes to get lost in the rhymic sound of metal spikes on cobblestones in the Auld Grey Toon? Ah, now that's the trick.